This morning I realized that for me, my study of anatomy is the study of how to relax as awareness takes place.
Sometimes I’m aware of the obturators side to side, hammocking hips from the pelvis; sometimes of piriformis and gluteous, rotating sacrum and pelvis independently; and sometimes of the sides of the PC and rectus, balancing a feeling of uprightness. Oftentimes the calves, sometimes the abdominals from the pelvis to where they connect two inches below the navel with before as behind, behind as before; sometimes the diaphragm and chest, sometimes the skin and hair. Where awareness takes place, open to awareness taking place where awareness takes place.
Even so… does (a person) saturate, permeate, suffuse this very body with the rapture and joy that are born of aloofness; there is no part of (the) whole body that is not suffused with the rapture and joy born of aloofness.
(MN III 92-93, Pali Text Society translations pg 132-134)
As far as I can tell, freedom of awareness to take place where awareness takes place is synonymous with the “rapture and joy born of aloofness”:
…as a skilled bath-attendant or (bath-attendant) apprentice, having sprinkled bath-powder into a bronze vessel, might knead it while repeatedly sprinkling it with water until the ball of lather had taken up moisture, was drenched with moisture, suffused with moisture inside and out but without any oozing. Even so… does (a person) saturate, permeate, suffuse this very body with the rapture and joy that are born of aloofness; there is no part of (the) whole body that is not suffused with the rapture and joy born of aloofness. While (such a person) is thus diligent, ardent, self-resolute, those memories and aspirations that are worldly are got rid of; by getting rid of them, the mind is inwardly settled, calmed, focused, concentrated.
I study, but it has taken me awhile to be relaxed with my study. The anxiety of not knowing has taken the longest time to find release, in the freedom of awareness that lets me breath again.